


No Longer

by xuxicentric



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Song fic, This Is Sad, i think, ily taeyong, johnten is there for a brief moment, no longer, no longer fucked me up, ten is mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-08-01 09:22:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16281950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xuxicentric/pseuds/xuxicentric
Summary: Taeyong is willing to do everything for Jaehyun. Loosely based on NCT 127's No Longer.





	No Longer

**Author's Note:**

> The first time I heard No Longer, I just HAD to write a sad Jaeyong fic, and here it is. Do leave comments below! [Also, JohnJae is pretty cute but I still love Jaeyong to bits]. Also, I love Taeyong so much.

“TY.” Taeyong hears his favorite voice call out for him and immediately turns around with a huge smile plastered on his face, knowing his _best friend_ is just right behind him. Taeyong almost gawks when he sees Jaehyun in a beige long-sleeve with its sleeves rolled up until his elbows, making it possible for the taller’s veiny arms to be seen, and dress pants that fit him _just right_ , and he wonders why Jaehyun’s all dolled-up in a Monday morning. He furrows his eyebrows when Jaehyun places his hands on both of Taeyong’s shoulders, turns him around so the latter can face him properly, and heaven forbid,

Jaehyun _pouts._

Taeyong stifles back a laugh because he knows Jaehyun doesn’t just pout. He knows the other’s in a crisis, to say the least. Jaehyun’s not one to show his cute side whenever he wants to, so being the good friend that he is, he pats Jaehyun’s head and asks him what’s wrong.

“I’m going to fuck up, Taeyong.”

And it dawns on Taeyong that today’s the day of Jaehyun’s final defense. Jaehyun’s been working on his thesis for quite a while now, and frankly, Jaehyun’s hasn’t gotten much luck with the panel he’s assigned to. He’s been tasked to revise again and again, to the point where the very first draft Jaehyun made is completely different to what he has finished now. This is Jaehyun’s last chance, and if he isn’t given the approval he needs, he would have to fucking repeat third year. Taeyong has seen Jaehyun work his ass off for this paper: missing out on their usual hang-outs, staying up for three days straight, drowning himself on books and journals, even getting sick from working too much and Taeyong knows if Jaehyun doesn’t make it this time, he would break in a snap.

“Hey, Jae. Hey, look at me.” Taeyong cups both of Jaehyun’s cheeks and looks at the latter straight in the eyes. “You’re going to ace this damn thing, alright? I’ve read your work, and if it helps, this one’s going to be the sure ball. You’ve worked so hard for this, Jae. You’re not going to fuck up. You’re going to be _fine,_ alright?”

Jaehyun pulls Taeyong in for a tight embrace, and Taeyong’s heart just goes straight into havoc town. See, it’s not like this is a problem; this isn’t the first time they hugged or been this close in proximity for that matter, but the only problem is Taeyong’s afraid Jaehyun would eventually notice the rapid beating of his heart whenever Jaehyun would wrap his arms around his body. It _doesn’t_ help that Jaehyun likes to burrow his face on the crook of Taeyong’s neck from time to time, too. But afraid as he is, Taeyong just doesn’t have the heart to push his best friend away from him just because he’s scared that Jaehyun might find out, _if_ he hasn’t already figured that out.

Yes, Taeyong is very much in love with Jaehyun.

Taeyong loves Jaehyun. As his best friend, as his second-half, maybe as his soulmate, and as _that_ person. Sometimes he thinks his feelings are a little too cliché, as he’s never imagined he’d ever like the same person who smelled like the sewer when he fell down in the sewage when they were kids. He never thought he’d look at Jaehyun _this_ way, because ever since they were in diapers, they had already been together through everything, to the point where they both treated the each other like they were _real_ brothers and frankly, Taeyong has never even considered the thought of liking his real sister that way.

“You’re going to be okay, Jaehyun. I’m going to be right outside the room, and I’ll be waiting for you to tackle me because you’ve done it, you’ve succeeded. I’m right here, Jae, always.”

Jaehyun pulls away, eyes glistening with tears and Taeyong automatically wipes it dry with his thumb, offering Jaehyun a small smile at the same time. Jaehyun does the same too. Taeyong could feel his heart calm down in an instant, appreciating this small moment between them.

Except Jaehyun decides to plant a small kiss on Taeyong’s forehead.

There goes Taeyong’s heart again.

* * *

Taeyong has been confused for a long time now.

He’s aware Jaehyun has someone he likes, but he doesn’t know who. He’s been bugging Jaehyun about it for more than a year now, but the latter wouldn’t budge, spouting all kinds of excuses like _‘It won’t do us any good if you knew who he was’_ or ‘ _I’m pretty sure you’ll see me differently once you find out.’_ In Taeyong’s defense, it’s understandable if there’s a little something in him that thinks _he’s_ the one Jaehyun likes, right?

So for the past few months, all Taeyong’s been doing is trying to tell Jaehyun subtly _hey, I like you too, dumbass._ He’s been extra sweet, touchy, all that sappy shit he’s not used to doing because he wants Jaehyun to realize he feels the same way about him, but Taeyong doesn’t understand why Jaehyun can’t pick up the signals he’s been dropping all over the place. So right now, in the middle of the university cafeteria, Taeyong looks at Jaehyun who’s straight from practice, eating heaps of food. Jaehyun doesn’t seem to mind, though. He gives Taeyong smiles and winks at him from time to time and continues eating.

“Hey, Taeyong.” Johnny Seo, Taeyong’s blockmate, slides in and sits beside Taeyong with a face the small man cannot seem to paint. He focuses on Johnny, who seems to be very broken right now, but from his peripheral view, he notices Jaehyun slow his munching down as soon as Johnny arrived. _Weird,_ Taeyong thinks but he brushes his thoughts off because he needs to focus on the man beside him.

Johnny bangs his head a little too hard on the table for Taeyong’s liking, but when Johnny doesn’t yelp in pain anyway. He places his free hand on the sad man’s hair and combs it lightly, offering a little comfort for his friend. Taeyong turns his attention back to Jaehyun for a split second, and sees Jaehyun looking at Johnny with brows furrowed. _Are they close?_ Taeyong thinks to himself.

“Johnny.” Taeyong calls his friend out. Johnny raises his head, and Taeyong is taken aback when he sees Johnny’s eyes in tears.

“Ten and I broke up.”

* * *

Taeyong is confused yet again.

He’s standing approximately two feet away from his and Jaehyun’s usual table, all ready to spend some alone time with his best friend when he sees another figure sitting down on _his_ spot, right across Jaehyun. Taeyong’s a little annoyed, to be honest. He likes sitting down across Jaehyun because he gets to see his best friend’s face more clearly, He’s also able to reach out for Jaehyun’s hand whenever he wants to, and for a little part, Taeyong also likes to think that their mandatory lunches are their little ‘ _dates_.’

But he decides to let things go for now. He knows both of them aren’t aware of Taeyong’s fondness of sitting right across Jaehyun, nor of his feelings for the latter. So he walks to their table with a smile that doesn’t reach the corner of his eyes, and sits beside Jaehyun. He greets them both.

But he doesn’t get a response from either of them. The two continue talking as if Taeyong hadn’t just arrived. He’s honestly so close to getting pissed now, with the only thing holding him back is the fact that Johnny’s still heartbroken over his recent break-up with his ex-boyfriend, Ten and seeing Johnny smiling and laughing after weeks is a good sign.

Right?

He taps Jaehyun’s arms in desperation, and only then did Jaehyun acknowledge his presence. “Oh, TY!”

“Since when did you two become buddies?” Taeyong asks, cheery, but with a bit of apprehension.

“Oh, right. Jaehyun asked me to help him out in Trig. Professor Kim’s a little strict, you know.”

“Trig…?” That can’t be right. As far as Taeyong knows about Jaehyun, Jaehyun _excels_ in math, and Trigonometry’s just a piece of cake for him. Hell, he’s in a math major for a reason. And yes, Taeyong knows _everything_ about Jaehyun; from his dream wedding filled with peach-colored roses, a white-gold theme, and a matching white suit for his future husband, the ceremony held in Jaehyun’s favorite beach down in Busan, to Jaehyun’s dream family, where they’d adopt three kids, a set of twins: one girl and one boy, and a baby girl for their youngest and a golden retriever named _Byul_ because Jaehyun’s just so fascinated with the stars in the night sky.

It’s as if Jaehyun could sense Taeyong’s upcoming question with why he’s asking for help in a Math subject, because Jaehyun already answered before he could even ask. “The topics are a little hard, that’s all. I could use some help because I don’t have that much time to study them all by myself.”

“Why didn’t you ask me for help, Jae?” Taeyong made sure to put in a little hint of sadness and disappointment, because it’s the first time Jaehyun hadn’t asked for Taeyong’s help first.

“You’re busy, Yong. Besides, it’s much more convenient for Johnny to help me, right? You still have your compositions to finish.” Jaehyun points out and Taeyong just hates it when he’s right. He sighs dejectedly, only to hear Jaehyun’s chuckle and feel arms slinging over his shoulder. “You’re so cute, TY.”

Maybe Taeyong doesn’t hate the seat beside Jaehyun that much anymore.

* * *

Taeyong’s been calming himself down for hours now. He’s finally decided to just _fuck it_ and head over to his best friend’s house to confess. Yes, after years and years of hiding how he feels for Jaehyun, he’s finally had the guts to tell him the truth.

For the umpteenth time tonight, Taeyong pats his chest a little harder than usual just to keep his heart on check before he knocks on Jaehyun’s door. He’s playing all the possible scenarios in his head, everything he thinks would happen as soon as Jaehyun opens his door. Will he immediately tell Jaehyun? Does a kiss help? Will he play it out longer before he tells him?

He tells himself he’s ready for whatever Jaehyun would tell him, or however Jaehyun would react.

But Taeyong has not expected to see Jaehyun crying when he finally opens his door.

“Yong, I’m in love with Johnny.”

Taeyong freezes up. He’s torn. He’s absolutely fucking torn in half because _what the actual fuck?_ Taeyong has absolutely no idea on what to do. A part of him is telling him to run away, leave, the guy you’re in love with is in love with another person. You deserve to drown yourself in tears and self-pity because not only does he not feel the same way for you, he actually likes someone that’s not you.

But a part of him wants to stay.

He wants to stay because Jung Jaehyun, his best friend, his second-half, his soulmate, his _love,_ is crying, is broken. He wants to push away all the selfish thoughts inside his head because he wants to hug Jaehyun and tell him it’s going to be alright, that he’s here for him, and for whatever reason may be the cause of his tears, he’s going to beat Johnny Seo up even if he’s a tiny man and Johnny’s practically a giant. He wants to stay and hold Jaehyun close even though he’s breaking apart inside because fuck, Jaehyun is crying and at the same time, Jaehyun doesn’t love him back the same way he does. He wants to set himself aside for Jaehyun because he’d rather be very much pulled apart into pieces if it meant Jaehyun would be happy.

And so Taeyong stays.

He pulls Jaehyun in and holds him tight, walking slowly to guide them both inside. He sits both of them down on Jaehyun’s bed and continues to coo the crying man in his arms. Taeyong can feel his heart burning in pain but he doesn’t say anything. He’s trying so hard to keep his feelings to himself because Jaehyun is his number one priority.

“Yong, I’m in love with him.” Jaehyun’s first sentence in a while breaks him apart in the first second. “I’ve liked him since you introduced me to him that day when I visited your house and he was there for your assignment. And I couldn’t tell you anything because you were his friend and he had a boyfriend and I thought you wouldn’t like the fact that I was very much smitten by someone who’s taken.”

Taeyong places his hands over Jaehyun’s, urging him to speak more, to let it all out even though Taeyong wants him to _stop because Jaehyun, this hurts so bad._

“When he told you they broke up, something just lit up in me and I immediately tried making a move by asking him to tutor me on Trig, which I know is very fucking stupid and idiotic. We got closer and I just thought I stood a chance because he was so happy, he _looked_ happy when we were together. I thought he had finally moved on from Ten but…I saw them. I saw them, Yong. Johnny was hugging Ten in the school grounds! Fuck, couldn’t they have gotten back together in a place I couldn’t see? Yong, it hurts. It hurts so much.” Taeyong can’t help but cry, too. All of these emotions in him, all these hidden feelings that just broke him apart, together with the sadness he feels for his best friend, all of those inside him, rattling him and breaking him apart into pieces that Taeyong just wants to run away.

“Yong, please don’t leave me. I need you. Please don’t leave.”

But he can’t.

Not when Jaehyun needs him. Not when Jaehyun’s hurting this much. And because Taeyong loves Jaehyun more than anything and anyone, even more than himself, Taeyong stays. He stays with Jaehyun, even if staying meant breaking him completely.

* * *

Taeyong remembers them all like it was just yesterday. 

He smiles to himself as he enters the house, a familiar dog yapping down the hallway to greet him. “Hey, Byul.” He pats the retriever’s head and walks with him further inside. He could smell the aroma from the kitchen and knows immediately Jaehyun’s preparing his specialty. He spots two heads on the couch facing the television, and Taeyong decides to surprise them both by hoisting them up at the same time, but doesn’t when he realizes both are asleep, only sitting upright. Taeyong helps them lie down on the couch, not wanting the little kids to feel uncomfortable when they wake up.

Taeyong sees the large frame of two men wearing matching white suits, posing by the sea to commemorate their wedding, with both of them holding on to a bouquet of peach-colored roses, smiling genuinely for the camera. He remembers how his suit fitted tighter than usual that day because he had difficulty breathing the entire time.

He heads down to the kitchen instead to greet Jaehyun. The latter sees him, spreading his arms out wide for Taeyong. He does the same. “I see you’re cooking my favorite dish.”

Jaehyun laughs, bringing the ladle near Taeyong’s lips for a taste test. “That’s because I love you, Yong.” He grins cheekily when the familiar warmth of Jaehyun’s food hits his taste buds and says, “You never fail me, Jung Jaehyun.”

From the kitchen, Taeyong could hear the front door open, and of course, Byul’s loud bark whenever he’s arrived. “He’s here.” Taeyong smiles at Jaehyun, who’s now turning off the stove and removing the apron from his body.

“Just in time.”

Taeyong could feel _him_ coming closer, so he did what he would always do: turn his back from them,

“Hey, Jae.” Taeyong hears him but he focuses on cleaning up Jaehyun’s mess on the kitchen, not even trying to turn around and greet the person who’s just arrived.

“Daddy!” He hears the little kids running down the hall, awaken by their father’s arrival, while Taeyong places the last dirty dish in the washer. He sighs before finally turning around.

“Taeyong, great to see you!” Johnny crashes him to their usual _bro hug_. Taeyong taps the latter’s back, pulling away almost immediately. “So glad you found time to visit, Jaehyun’s been bugging me all night for days now, telling me how much he misses you.”

Taeyong can only stifle out a curt laugh and looks at Jaehyun, whose arms are still hanging loosely on his _husband’s_ waist. He’s distracted then by two pairs of arms that attack his legs, “Uncle Taeyong! We missed you!”

The dinner was nothing but normal, the four were laughing along to Johnny’s stories from work, with Taeyong joining in from time to time whenever he wasn’t zoning out. His attention was mostly on the food; it helped him remind himself that he was still important to Jaehyun, that Jaehyun still loved him enough to cook him his favorite dish whenever he visited.

But Taeyong can’t help but feel a pain in his heart.

It’s been six years. Six years since Jaehyun told him he was in love with Johnny. Six years since the life in Taeyong’s heart was taken away from him. Three years. Three years since the love of his life got married to another person down by Jaehyun’s favorite beach in Busan.

Ten years. Ten years since Taeyong first started having feelings for Jaehyun.

All five of them head outside after dinner. It’s a family thing of theirs, because Jaehyun and Johnny used to spend their dates just looking at the night sky, admiring all the stars painted up there. And Taeyong can’t help but feel like he’s intruding the family’s time together, knowing that Johnny only gets to spend time with his husband and kids at night, after a long day’s work. But Jaehyun urged him to join them, and it’s weird, because Jaehyun had never asked Taeyong to stay when he doesn’t want to.

Taeyong sits a little far back from Johnny and the twins. Jaehyun’s still inside grabbing some cookies for their kids, but Taeyong feels less alone because Byul’s lying down beside him. Taeyong can’t help but feel attached to Byul because before he gave him to Jaehyun and Johnny as a wedding gift, he was the one who trained Byul. He spent over two months training Byul because he was one hell of a wild dog, and Taeyong didn’t want to give Jaehyun a hard time with Byul.

He then feels someone sit beside him, and Taeyong recognizes him without even looking. “Why don’t you sit with them, Jae?”

“I missed my best friend. I don’t see you more often these days.” Taeyong hears a hint of sadness laced with Jaehyun’s words, and he can’t help but feel a little guilty. But Taeyong knows staying away is the best thing to do when he knows he’s still very much in love with Jaehyun.

“You know, I never got to thank you properly, Yong. You headed out when I was asleep and drove to Johnny’s just to tell him how much he’s missing out by not choosing me. If you hadn’t done that, I would have never known he never got back together with Ten, and we would have never reached this happy ending.”

Taeyong smiles bitterly. “I’m your best friend, Jae. It was what I was supposed to do.”

“But you made us happen. You even organized the whole wedding, hell we weren’t even supposed to get married on my favorite beach if you hadn’t fixed the whole mishap with the owners. Then the peach roses? God, Taeyong, you literally had them customized all the way from the other side of the world. You got the best designers for our suits, and gave us the best wedding gift. And please, please don’t get me started on the twins. You helped us with so much paperwork and we bothered you a lot because you made things easier for us because we were clueless. Yong, _you_ made all of these happen.” Jaehyun pulls him in for an embrace, and just like before, Taeyong heart begins to beat rapidly again. “You’re the reason why I’m so happy, Yong.”

“It’s all I want for you, Jaehyun-ah. I would risk everything for your happiness.” Taeyong manages to choke out despite trying his best not to speak at all because he knows talking would make him cry.

“Yong, we’re adopting again.” Jaehyun squeaks out in delight, “a baby girl.”

“Just like your dream family, right?”

Taeyong pulls away and sees the man of his dreams smile at him. “You made my dreams come true, Lee Taeyong.”

Taeyong bids goodbye to the family, leaving one last lingering hug to Jaehyun before heading out and driving away to the one place he’d always go to after visiting Jaehyun’s home.

He parks his car meters away from the cliff and goes down, eyes already welled up with tears. Taeyong kneels down on the ground because he can’t stand the pain anymore, but it’s nothing but normal. It’s a familiar scene for Taeyong, but _this_ helps him. Tonight, he’ll drown himself in tears that threatened to fall hours ago because by tomorrow, everyone around him expects Taeyong to be okay.

Because no one knows about how Taeyong gave his happiness, his dreams, his love, the only love of his life up so Jaehyun could be happy.

No one knows about Taeyong’s love for Jaehyun.

But it’s okay, Taeyong thinks. It’s alright if Jaehyun _no longer_ needs him, if Jaehyun _no longer_ loves him as much as he did before because all of Jaehyun’s love now is for his husband and his soon-to-be three kids.

_As long as he’s happy,_ Taeyong thinks as he looks up at the sky


End file.
